So where did we go wrong? We didn’t… we chose RIGHT!

I was the girl that swore up and down that if only I lived in a different generation I would be married by now. I would be someone’s housewife, someone’s mother, and someone’s “damn she lucky”. But the universe clearly had different plans. The universe said “No, you’re a millennial…good luck” Lol. And guess what, I’m not the only one.

In fact, I did an article a while back titled “Drake Said We’re “Doing It” Wrong”, where I vented about the decline of marriages in our generation compared to our parents and grandparents generation, and what I believed were the contributing factors. This article was solely based on my opinions at the time which were based off my experiences, BUT…I wanted a different perspective. I wanted to know how other people in my generation felt, on this topic and other topics I blog about. And so “Cognac & Conversation” was birthed.

Cognac & Conversation, a round table where millennial’s gather, discuss and debate on various topics, oh and sip on Brandee cognac of course!  I decided to title the first “Where Did We Go Wrong”, based on the blog post mentioned. I got together a group of men and women, and after about an hour and a half of debate (and cognac attack), things were reallyyyyy … Well read it for yourself! Here are a few questions I wanted to highlight!

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What is the overarching reason as to why we aren’t getting married like previous generations?

Top answer: Social Media

Majority believed that social media plays a huge role in why we aren’t marriage. How? Well think about it, if you only had a choice of chocolate or vanilla ice cream then it’s simple, you’ll choose one or the other. But what if you had unlimited options, like BaskinRobbins on steroids?! Exactly, the internet gives you access to the entire world and can make you feel that there are plenty of fish in the sea or that the grass is greener on the other side. So that, along with trust issues and insecurities presented with social media, I guess we can “blame it on the gram”.

Are traditional gender roles important?

Top answer: No

Tradition has been thrown out the window and so has the idea that the man should be the sole provider while the woman takes care of the house duties. It’s 2018 people, and to be honest I think I’m dealing with a man that can cook better than me. Lol. So bye-bye gender labels. Lol. But let me be clear, I do believe as a woman you should take care of the house and as a man you should provide, however, this is not set at default. As life changes so will responsibilities, sometimes roles with have to reverse, sometimes there will need to be a schedule, but for the most part “Teamwork makes the dream work”. Find out what works for you and yours, and if that includes going half on the mortgage, don’t let someone tell you that you’re less of a man or woman.

“Women want to grow with a man, men want to finish growing before they settle down with a woman. That’s the disconnect” Is this true, and why?

Top answer: Yes

All the men agreed, they want to be financially stable and ready to support a family before committing to a woman. I pointed out that this is what I believed was the overarching reason for the decline in marriage. Men are not stable therefore are not ready for marriage. Black men specifically. Graduating college at 21 with student loans over their head. Then finding a job that barely supports them, taking into account the cost of living, it’s a process. That’s not even the half, what about the men who are fathers and have to take care of their children as well. And yet we clown them if they live at home with their momma. It’s a constant grind and many would rather have it all together before settling down. But then you have those that don’t mind grinding together. One panelist said building together is possible.

Could you stay in a relationship if the sex isn’t up to your standards?

Top answer: No

Welp, not too much to say about this one. Everyone agreed that sex is important in a relationship and that you normally find out early on in the relationship whether this would be a problem. I don’t agree, I think at a certain point in life, especially for women, other pro’s could outweigh that con. Butttttt no one agreed so we will leave it at that. Lol

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So where did we go wrong? We didn’t… we chose RIGHT! We are not our parents and grandparents. We live in a totally different society. Yes we may deal with some of the same issues, but on another level. After this round table discussion with my peers, I’ve concluded that we chose right because we chose ourselves. We are living our best lives the way we know how in our present time. We are choosing to be the best WE can be and make the best of OUR lives, and you can’t go wrong with choosing yourself RIGHT?!

Stay tuned in for more clips and highlights!

Just want to give a special shoutout to my panel!

@missprettytania
@meeeemeeeee13
@crimconbleu
@brynieg
@kingq_

@kingwallace11
@king_rell_
@majerkeyz
#NOIGWILL lol

Thanks so much for your participation!!